Weekend Update

Well it's not SNL, but this is what I've been up to today: rocking it out! :)

I had another great day at the gym today. An hour and ten minutes of cardio-- I had to rush out to get in the shower and go to my friends' recital or I would have definitely done an hour and a half or even two hours-- I was feeling great today. I'm going to do some ddr later today to supplement.

I also ran into another one of my friends at the gym today and he's going on choir tour too-- he said that he would walk with me everywhere and do the stairs with me :) It made me feel a lot better about choir tour just to have someone else on the same journey. He's lost 10lbs and he wants to lose 10 more.

Thanks to all of my friends and my amazing family for giving me so much support. I've been at this for just over three weeks and been working out for two weeks. Thanks especially to the people who have agreed to go on the 5k with me. I can't wait to share that day with you guys.

<3

Look forward to how I did this week pound and inch-wise tomorrow morning!

Woo!

Finally, after a three-day plateau, I'm down another pound. This morning the scale read 201lbs! This is the lowest I've been so far and I feel great about it. Parts of me already feel a little thinner. I'll find that out tomorrow when I re-measure myself. Last Sunday I did my measurements and we'll see if there's any change there.

Today will be another great day. This isn't easy, but it's a lot less difficult than I thought it would be. I'm getting used to exercising, I'm adding more types of movement into my repertoire, I'm working on these awesome incline courses on the treadmill that absolutely kick my butt. When I look at my little chart I see a definite downward turn, and that's really uplifting. I've been losing about 2lbs a week, if I can keep it up, I'll definitely make my goal before January 1, 2010!

My one fear is choir tour. March 13 after my interview I'm getting on a plane to fly to Baltimore, then we're going to Washington DC, then to Philadelphia. We're in hotels some of the nights, but God knows whether or not they'll have exercise machines even then. Hopefully we'll be doing enough walking and at a good enough pace that I'll be able to maintain over spring break. But food is what really concerns me. I think I'll have to bring a lot of bars.

PS: My BMI is down a point as of today too :) I'm only 3 points away from getting out of medically obese.

Wellness

Today Tay and I went to the wellness center and did some awesome cardio as usual (some days she doesn't go because she has Tae Kwon Do), but today was the first day I did strength training with her. Wow, was that a workout. I was really glad I did it and I'm going to keep doing it every other time I'm in the gym. I also did 30 minutes on an inclined treadmill, 15 intense minutes on a crosstrainer and 15 minutes on a bike.

T asked me today, "What will you do when you get to 150?"

"Buy a dress," was my immediate response. But then I thought, yes, I'll get a dress, but it's not about that. 150 is the goal, but it's the minimum goal and it's an arbitrary weight-based goal. Furthermore, looking good isn't the goal. HEALTH is the real goal. Being able to swim and hike and run and enjoy life like I should be.

In the spirit of full-circle health, the wellness center is starting a yoga class next month and I'm doing it. I've sort of always wanted to do yoga, and I really feel like it'll help me be more flexible and comfortable with my body.

I worked hard today. Now I'm going to go eat some toast :)

Thanks for reading <3

More music talk

I'm going to have to go a little longer and eat a little less today because I'm still stuck at 202lbs. :P So much for being under 200 by Friday right? Oh well. I didn't GAIN anything so that's good.

It's just frustrating because yesterday I had a bowl of oatmeal (NO sugar), eggs with brown rice and black beans and some black-corn chips with little bit of cheese and salsa, plus 130 calories worth of skim milk and half a bottle of this awful beer (MGD 64, which has, duh, 64 calories). I was on a treadmill on a steep incline for 40 minutes and on a weight-loss course on a training bike for 40 minutes. HOW did I not lose weight yesterday?!

I thought this morning I'd share a few more of the songs that really keep my going in my ever-increasing workouts. First I have to thank my little sister, because several of the songs that really keep me going are from High School Musical, I have "Fabulous," "Now or Never," and "I want it all." They're all wonderfully upbeat and help me keep going.

I really enjoy Head Automatica's song "Cannibal Girl," the lyrics go like this:

"I don't wanna bore you,
but here I go again,
Cannibal girl,
You've been eating me alive."

It definitely helps me remember that I did this to myself and I have to fix it. I have quite a few other songs that help me remember to keep going even when it's tough, one of my favorites is "Just one step" from Jason Robert Brown's "Songs for a new world." The song is actually about this rich lady who gets cheated on and threatens to jump off a building, but the chorus goes,

"Just one step,
look at where one step leads you
Just one step,
I'll be free"

I just have to work harder today I guess.

Who's gonna do it with me?

The Fargo Marathon is coming to town May 9th.

Who's going to do it?

Not me! 36 miles is a little above me, but there are several other events coming to town that weekend. I am registering for the 5k walk/run. 5k is a little over 3 miles, I will most likely be walking. I'm doing it May 9, and I want company! Last time I was in a 5k with my (incredibly awesome) family, we joked that my aunt and I would tie for last (people with strollers actually got last, thanks very much), but this time it's serious. I'm not looking to place, I'm looking to go and do the best that I can, get some exercise, spend some time with the people I love, and show off a healthier me.

Who's ready to take it on with me? :)

CHECK IT OUT!

Weird Dream

I have this thought that maybe I need to calm down.

Last night when I counted calories I realized I forgot to put in the soup I ate for lunch. I believe I wrote about how I make my own low-sodium soup with lots of legumes and vegetables. But it means I don't know how many calories are in it (I REALLY want a food scale so I can figure this out). So last night I had a dream that I was figuring out the amount of calories in my soup and in the dream I looked at the bag of peas (which are a soup ingredient) only to find out that a serving of peas was 770 calories! AAAAAH! So it was kind of a weird dream because in real life a serving of peas is like 70 calories, less than.

Anyway. This morning I stayed the same at 202lbs. I feel pretty good about it considering I accidentally overate yesterday due to the missed soup problem. But all of the food I ate yesterday was "healthy" food, whole grain toast and bananas and homemade soup, so really, I want more credit haha. Today is another day and I will be going to the wellness center and working hard :)

Up Late Update!

Staying up later than my olderson bedtime tonight!

Today was a good day in general. I felt really energetic and ready to go back to the gym this evening. I did a full hour of cardio and it really felt good. When I came home we went to see some friends and when we got back, I was feeling hungry--

Turns out I was way under on my calories again. I need to be more careful about spreading out some more calories throughout the day.

Anyway, it's time for bed but hopefully the scale will be nice to me tomorrow! :)

Wednesday!

Today is Wednesday and as of today I'm at 202.0lbs. go me! I was very surprised since yesterday I didn't exercise. But I feel a lot better this morning (a lot less sore and hurty!) and now I'm ready to get back at it today. I won't be able to get to the wellness center until tonight, but I'll be going and that's the point.

Thanks to Tay for being the first ever person to comment on my blog!!! Yaaay! I wish I could give you a T-shirt, but my blog is not that big or important that I have tshirts.

I wanted to share this interesting website this morning, mostly because I secretly kind of want one of these to carry with me. It's just an amazing way to think of your weight and how big and bulky ONE pound of fat really is.

My Pet Fat

I really want the little one. Talk about motivation not to have those tiny cheat moments. That'd keep me from saying "I can have that 100-calorie snack."

I am still hoping to get below 200 by Friday, so I'll be working hard tonight!

I'm pretending it's muscle

Today I was back up to 203.5, which means I'm still down two pounds, but a little depressing after my loss yesterday. Maybe T is right and I should get a new digital scale? I don't know. Really people say I shouldn't be weighing myself every day anyway because of water weight and all those other things.

It's not a good day for me to gain, either, since it's my "day off" today. Having a loss or a stasis this morning would have made NOT exercising today feel a lot easier. After going to the mall yesterday and gaining weight this morning, the only thing I want to do is get an a treadmill for a few hours and sweat off like ten pounds. :( But at the same time I'll be glad for the rest: my legs have gotten so SORE! That's why I'm pretending that I've gained muscle, haha.

Take a moment to answer my poll! :)

Ugh

On my 6th day in a row of exercising, I have to admit, I'm getting a little sore. After about half an hour of DDR with weights I'm definitely feeling it. I will still go to the wellness center tonight, but maybe not for as long. Tomorrow will absolutely be a well-deserved day off! :)

Update: The mall is the most depressing place in the world for an overweight woman. The largest suit at New York and Company is too small. The smallest suit at Lane Bryant is too big. SERIOUSLY. I don't fit into my old dress clothing and it sounds like I have an incredibly important interview coming up. Just another good motivation to exercise.

Wow

Morning weigh-in: 201.5!

I can't believe I lost 2 whole pounds yesterday! I guess I didn't eat too much and exercised quite a bit but I didn't expect pounds to just fall off like that. I've decided not to be disappointed tomorrow if I gain weight today after a 2lb loss. Today's goal is to maintain-- it's better not to lose tons of weight all at a time. That means that last week on Monday I weighed 207lbs-- I've already lost 5lbs!

I was just so surprised when that number came up! Wow! I woke up T and told him about it haha. He said it's only a matter of time before I break the 200 threshold. :) If I can get under 200 before Friday, I will be happy with my progress.

I don't expect it to be this easy the whole way through, but it makes me feel motivated to keep going. A little bit of work goes a long way apparently! My short term goal is still to get down to 190-- at which point I will get an exercise ball and start adding a resistance and balance training element to my home exercise.

Today: not too much exercise, good eating choices, maintaining. :)

Updates.

Well I can say this is the first time in a long time I've wanted to go to bed at 9:30pm because I honestly did real physical work and felt tired. Today I bought some 2lb Velcro weights for my wrists for when I play DDR. I used them this afternoon and WOW it pretty much doubles the effort necessary to play that game. I will definitely be hanging on to those things. Maybe I'll bring them to the wellness center with me tomorrow too. I got to exercise with my other T person today and that was wonderful. Next time we go she's going to show me the ropes on the weight-lifting equipment! Yay! I have a long-term goal of someday being able to water-ski.

Furthermore, I decided that when I lose 15 pounds, I'm getting an exercise ball. Then I talked to my wonderful dad today and he said he already has one and he'll give it to me-- when I lose 15 pounds :) That definitely saved me $30. <3

Today I did well with food-- a banana, a bar and (real, warm) green tea for breakfast, eggs with only one tortilla and black beans and a limited amount of cheese for lunch, and homemade soup with lentils, lima beans, peas (all dry, not from cans-- take that SODIUM!), carrots, spinach and potatoes with marjoram, rosemary and green curry powder.

Also I did measurements today-- so next Sunday we'll see if I have gotten any smaller!

I'm surprised (and pleased) by all of the people who've been so supportive of my new endeavor. I appreciate all the support, whether it's in the form of being an exercise buddy or tolerating the pictures of hideous fat people I pasted to our refrigerator, I appreciate it. Thanks for your continuing support.

Moderating

Yesterday was a good day for me. Except for the fact that it came to be 7pm and I had only eaten 880 calories. Part of my struggle is finding a balance: not eating enough calories really isn't going to help me either. So I had some more food and I was able to save enough "space" to drink beer with my friends at our party last night. Also, yesterday I exercised for about an hour with T and our friends at a gym in the local private high school (one of my friends works there). The only stuggle I had was watching these 12-year-olds working out on treadmills. Not my favorite, but what can you do. I also shoveled snow and played a little ddr yesterday just to keep it interesting. I think I need to find another form of anaerobic exercise-- since I'm definitely getting my required "cardio" in.

AND the payoff was worth it. This morning I was down to 203.5! :) So, the goal today is to keep it up. It's really going well considering I'm down 4 pounds from my high point last week.

Today I'm exercising with one of my good friends at 4 and hopefully I can find something else to add on before then.

Also, I showed some people my blog last night, so if you're reading this, maybe just leave me a comment so I know someone's out there :)

Music thoughts

Yesterday was a tough day, food-wise. I guess it wasn't that bad, but I'm holding myself to pretty high standards. I wasn't able to weigh myself this morning so we'll just see how I do. And really, I should only be weighing myself once a week. Maybe I should just start doing that instead of every day.

Today I'm going to go exercise with T and our friend K and I've been very good about food even though we ate out for brunch this morning. :)

I wanted to talk about my music and exercise motivation. Before when I went to pick my exercise music, I used to go pretty hard-core on high bpm techno-music, super-upbeat music and other things that seemed fast-paced and energetic. This time around I'm trying a different approach.

All of my songs now have motivational lyrics. None of them are like cheerleading songs or any of that Richard Simmons nonsense, but I have songs like "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World

It just takes some time
Little girl,
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, Everything
Will be just fine
Everything, Everything
Will be alright.

Another good song I find incredibly motivating is "Let Go" by Frou Frou.

Let go, Let go,
Get in,
Well whatcha waiting for?
It's alright
There's beauty in the breakdown.

My full playlist has a lot of songs that keep me motivated and going at a good pace. It's so helpful to have music that reminds me that this has a payoff. It's not futile, I'm getting somewhere. I also have one of T's favorite songs, to remind me I'm doing this for more than one reason. I have a horrible song from the musical "A New Brain" called "Poor, Unsuccessful and Fat," and "Heavy" from Dreamgirls. I can't think of anything more motivating than that!

Down One.

Morning weigh in: 204.5lbs.

PROGRESS!

I just have to keep it up today. :)

Acting on some good advice

Last night I was IMing with my cousin who's in pretty good shape (due to collegiate volleyball) I know that my older cousin (who is her coach) definitely keeps them on a good regime. So I asked her how to lose some weight. Her very enlightened advice was:

"Get chyo ass on a treadmill. cardio."

So, today I did just that. 30 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on the bike and 15 on the treadmill walking for a cooldown. To be fair, I did it yesterday too, but It just made me realize that I can't be afraid of the wellness center forever.

My gym-fears are starting to get a little better. I saw one of my friends there today and she was very amiable and definitely didn't react the way people do in my irrational fantasies. She mostly acted as though we'd run into each other in the hallway even though I was on an exercise bike. It was actually kind of awesome. Super-thanks to that friend!

Super-thanks to one of my closest friends for actually asking if we could start working out together. It would be totally awesome to have a workout buddy a few days a week. She couldn't come with me today but we'll come up with a time :)

I have been doing a lot better with food. I think just seeing how much weight I was gaining in a week with my bad habits really helped me figure it out. I'll probably have a lot more slip-ups, but I think I can safely say I'm ready to do this for real.

Back to the Start

When I started this blog I weighed 205.5 lbs, which is where I am now. This week I've been all the way up at 207.5. But I was determined to weigh less this morning. Last night I spent a full hour at the real wellness center (true to my fears, almost everyone there was incredibly thin and going way faster than me). But I spent half an hour on a bike and half an hour on a treadmill. The best part about it was that it really wasn't so bad. I think I'll go again today.

Having my iPod with my own music really seemed to help. I just turned it way up and shut everything else out. So, here I am, back at the start, ready to go down this time instead of up.

*fingers crossed*

Biggest Loser

I'm just watching this show right now and it's really blowing my mind. These people are also a great inspiration because they have already lost more weight than I want to. It makes me believe that I can do it too. I mean, if those people can go from 350 to 300, I can go from 200 to 150.

Right? :)

One Pound Down

Finally I am moving in the right direction. This morning I was at 206, which is LESS than before. At this point, any loss of weight is something for me to celebrate.

Today is my wonderful partner's birthday, but unfortunately we won't have any time together to properly celebrate.

Which also means we won't go out to eat-- so making my number even lower tomorrow will be less of a challenge.

Stasis

Well today I neither gained nor lost weight, leaving me at 207 again this morning. Today was productive though with good food choices and some exercise.

I also went to the counseling center and talked to someone about my eating problem. She said that I was doing a lot of the right things and having a support group such as overeaters anonymous or weight watchers was likely to help even more. I have another appointment with her in two weeks. There's a weight watchers meeting pretty close to my house on Thursday-- so I think I'm going to go. It does cost money but at the same time I think I need some more support.

Tomorrow is another day :)

2lbs :(

Well today I weighed 207. This is getting ridiculous. I am still working hard to stop my compulsive eating habits but it's way further ingrained than I thought it was. This is progress, not perfection. We're going to go play racquetball again tonight so that will help :)

Staying positive over a bad weekend is difficult but I just need to keep trying.

The same again.

This morning I was still at 206-- which I think is an accomplishment considering that I ate at Qdoba yesterday for Valentines. Now that all of the Valentineyness is over we won't eat out again for awhile and that will help.

Another thing that I've identified that I have a problem with is eating while watching a movie or eating while watching tv online. I lose track of how much I'm eating and I don't pay attention to my actual food. I love food, I should really just let myself take time to enjoy what I'm eating. At least that's what several of my books say.

Yesterday we went and played my first-ever game of racquetball. Man, does that make me sweaty and gross! It's fun though and much better than being on a treadmill. I probably will have to add the treadmill to my exercise regime soon, but being in a tiny room with my boyfriend feels a lot safer than being around a bunch of buff strangers who run 3 miles every day.

56 lbs?

Well this morning I did end up weighing a pound more. I am trying hard not to get down on myself and move on. Yesterday I didn't do so well. Today I will do really super awesome :) Yesterday like I said we went to the HuHot and I did definitely eat less than I would have and made better choices about what to put in my food (less noodles, more carrots). But then of course, we had planned to have friends over and I suppose drinking is not so good for me. I don't know if I have to give up beer (SAD!) or if I just have to convert to light beer. Either way, today will be better than yesterday.

The sign on my refrigerator says "It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop."

I guess it doesn't say anything about going backward, but we'll just pretend it's slow progress.

<3

Today and Holidays

Apparently holidays are going to be more difficult than other days. I had forgotten I won't be able to track all of my calories ever. We went to the HuHot for Valentine's eve and it's a little difficult to figure out the calories. :( We'll see how much I weigh tomorrow. I tried to be very aware of when I was getting full and actually enjoying my food. I was surprised how easy it was to really enjoy my food. I can see that I can do this but it's going to be a challenge. Doable. Totally doable.

Status-quo

Morning weigh in: 205.5. Yesterday I didn't lose any weight. BUT, of course I didn't gain any either. I'm using a website that helps me track not only my caloric intake but my fat, saturated fat, sugar, carb, fiber and protein intakes. Yesterday I was over saturated fat by 23g (it suggests you eat 0g of saturated fat), over my sugar intake by a whopping 60g and over my carb intake by 24g. I was also under on my fiber intake.

So, at least I know what I need to work on today! :)

I'm going to exercise more today. Maybe I'll even go to the wellness center-- :/ I get really nervous before I go there. I just think of those videos of fat people running bleck. I just don't want anyone to ever look at me like that.

Yesterday I printed off some pictures of plus-size models (AKA pinups, AKA real-looking women) as a motivation. "Super" models would only leave me with unattainable goals and a general sadness about the size of my hips.

Tonight I will have to figure out a way to not consume so many liquid calories-- we'll see what happens there.

Inspiration #1

Plus-Sized Miss Surrey! She's an inspiration because she's not even afraid-- she's quite a few pounds lighter than I am, but still an attainable goal.

She competed for Miss England and unfortunately didn't win, but won a ton of awesome points for strutting her stuff along with the other (much smaller) contestants.

She is an excellent reminder that no matter what you weigh, a little bit of confidence does a long way. Half the battle is believing.

Totally brave. Totally confident. Totally awesome. Thanks Chloe! :)

The Goal

It doesn't matter how it happened, but here I am. I weigh 205.5 lbs as of this morning according to my scale.

I've been working on a few different problems such as emotional eating and self-image issues. Each day, I will try to post what I've done to try to get healthier and the challenges I'm having. 55 pounds (rather, 55.5 pounds) is my goal.

• DDR for 30min (this is always hard work!)
• Started tracking my eating habits on CalorieCounter.com
• Bought some peppermints to curb emotional eating
• Purchased a book from the 80's called "The Food Fix" It's orange. :)

Today was a good day for motivation. I'm at the very beginning of my process, so the only stuggles I'm having are identifying when I'm actually hungry and when I'm upset/bored/lonely/happy/restless and deciding to do something that isn't eating. Ha, maybe I'll come on here and talk about how much I want to make cupcakes and nom a whole bunch of them. (Actually, I don't usualy eat so much of what I actually bake-- I probably just eat like 10 spoonfuls of batter and pretend it doesn't count-- one thing I need to stay aware of).

The other issue I imagine I'll have to fight with soon is my feelings about going to the wellness center-- I've told a few people I feel like people at gyms are judging me-- It's paranoid and crazy, but I always feel bad being there with all of those skinny, fit people. It'd be nice if my workout clothes still fit, too.