Oh Dr. Phil

He may be a quack, but he's right about this! :)

Mysterious

Morning weigh-in: 190.5

I'd never complain about it, but it is weird. Up and DOWN and UP and DOWN.

Oh well. Yesterday I was good with food and exercised harder than usual because I was absolutely determined to see a lower number today and I did! I'm actually surprised the number was so low since I drank a LOT of water yesterday to keep myself from eating. But water doesn't have any calories so it doesn't even count. Hooray!

I have been very careful and will do it again today. Keeping track of my calories and exercising hard is definitely the way to go. I'm down 15 pounds again (still?) and really ready to keep going from here. I want to see the 180s sooooo bad. I weighed in the upper 180s when Tarver and I first met, and I was briefly in the high 170s in the summer of 2006-- but only very briefly.

Of course, tomorrow, choir is ruining things again. We have to go on a fieldtrip which starts at 6:30AM and we won't get back until 2AM on Saturday. 8 hours in a bus, all together. It'll be a good chance for me to get some reading done but for goodness' sakes, it's finals week I need to be at home with my computer writing my papers and exercising so I look good at my graduation! I'm like Cameron from Ferris Bueller,

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go...

193

Morning Weigh-in: 193 flat

Dude. I need to get control of my eating. I'm always so good until someone says "do you want to go to _____?" and of course we do, we're graduating, we're leaving MSUM, we want to celebrate our last moments here.

It is very difficult to healthily celebrate last moments.

I just need to remember that I can do this. :)

My scale is weird.

Morning Weigh-in: 192.5

Of course, I also weighed in at 191 flat and 194.5 within minutes of each other. I decided to clock in in the middle ground. Weight fluctuates, aaah! :)

My main struggle these days has been food. I am not good with food. Closer to the beginning of this blog I was very serious about food and restricting my calories heavily. I was losing weight pretty quickly that way (or it could have been that I used to do a full hour of cardio and now can't). I need to find the motivation to eat less and eat better. I'm going to start using Calorieconnect again at least for the next few days to get a grip on what I can and can't eat.

It also could be that I spend about a half an hour a day weight-training and might be gaining muscle faster than I'm burning fat. I can only get so muscle-y so that will hopefully stop soon. I really would love to have a personal trainer (and a nutritionist, now that I think of it.)

Tonight is our very last night at the school newspaper :'( but otherwise it will be a good day!

I DID FIVE PUSHUPS!

...

Well that's pretty much all. I haven't done pushups (good ones anyway) since probably 11th grade. I only did five and it basically killed me, but I did them, and that's the point.

Maybe tomorrow I will do SIX!!! :)

Not disappointed

Morning Weigh-in: 192.

I'm not upset about this. I should have been better, but I'm not surprised that I gained weight-- I drank like 700 glasses of water yesterday and we at at the HuHot (<3!!!) In celebration of the "we beat the flood" concert and my last home concert.

Also, last night was senior recognition night, so that was really fun. I got my very own round of applause when my director announced that I was graduating summa. That felt pretty cool. Of course, I found out later that Tarver and Jesse started it, but it made it no less awesome.

Today is a normal day, and those are the easiest for weight loss :)

I am not losing weight very quickly nowadays, but I think that might be the best way to do it. I lose about a pound a week, and apparently that's what doctors say I should do. I'd really love to just lose ten pounds every week for about a month and then call it good, but whatever. With tendinitis holding me back from really kicking cardio-butt this is the best I can do.

I have said before that I'm starting to look more like a human and less like a blob-- I think this is thanks to weight-lifting. Neat. Humanness. I don't want to get too disgusting, but when I started this process I was developing fat rolls, and now I'm still, you know, covered in fat, but nothing is like bulging out anymore. PROGRESS!

Scale blips?

Morning Weigh-in: 190.5

This is my second time at the all time low of 190.5! It is good to see that number again!

I'm not sure what exactly happened yesterday, but again, it's the weighing myself every day thing. This is destined to be the fight of 55 pounds! Every day or once a week?! Maybe I'll settle on every other day or every third day or something like that? No idea.

Yesterday was a good day. I spent the day walking around the mall with my mom and sister, and ate well for breakfast and lunch then okayish for dinner, but Thai food is mostly vegetables even though I did eat my whole plate because Thai food is amazing.

Today is another big day. I am studying this morning, have a big concert this afternoon and then another concert this evening. I won't be able to exercise until after the second concert-- hopefully I'll have enough energy!!!

I think Fridays are cursed.

Since last Saturday I have gained half a pound.

Morning weigh-in: 193.5

Of course. This is my argument against weighing myself once a week. At least I know I had a nice low in there somewhere. Imagine the awful, crushed defeat I would have if I only weighed myself on Saturdays and found out that this week, after exercising HARD every day and eating well, I had gained half of a pound.

It makes me cranky enough just this morning. Seriously.

Weight-loss is a long process. More exercise, less food.

Though I did lose half an inch each off my arms and thighs this week, in comparison to last week. Also, I have been weight-training all week. Can we all simultaneously pretend that I gained muscle? :)

Continuing progress!

Morning Weigh-in: 190.5!

You read it here first folks. On my very first entry, I weighed in at 205.5. I have officially lost FIFTEEN pounds!!!

*Several balloons and streamers*

Of course, having lost so much the past few days it'll probably come back. I know I haven't created a caloric deficit of 3500 each of these days, and that's what it takes to legitimately lose one pound. We'll see what happens tomorrow, but today I am almost out of the 90s!

I was very good again yesterday. It turns out being incredibly busy is really good for me not eating too much. We met some friends at applebees last night and when I usually would have had some sort of fried appetizer or worse yet, boneless wings, I had a spinach salad (NO BACON! Why bacon and spinach seem to be best friends on salads is completely beyond me-- doesn't it follow that people who are ordering spinach salads are interested in their health and therefore rarely touch bacon?) and it was quite wonderful, either way.

I was also at the wellness center yesterday, cardioing and weight-lifting it up. Haha, I actually got stuck in one of the leg press machines and this buff guy tried to offer to help, but I was like "no, I got this," as I'm like wedged between 60 pounds of weight and a machine whose adjustment button is apparently broken, haha, oh well. Today is an ARMS day at the wellness center so that's cool for me.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off of exercising to spend time with my mom and sister!!! Yaaay! We will be walking around the mall all day so as long as I keep my calories under control it should be just fine.

15 pounds down, 40 to go!

Thanks for reading, everyone. <3

I did it the right way this time :)

Morning weigh in: 191.5

Yesterday I did pretty awesome. I ate well, I worked HARD at the gym and now I just have to replicate that today! This week Saturday is my day off instead of Tuesday, and the rest of my week is absolutely filled with studying and writing time.

I have a lot to do between now and the end of the semester. But I have time-management skills, I just have to use them. Haha. It's a lot harder than it sounds. I charted out all of my days for the next ten days with everything that has to get done including 2 hours of completely free do-whatever-I-want time, 2 hours for exercising (I don't exercise for 2 hours, but packing, walking to the gym, changing, exercising, changing again and coming back often takes 2 hours) and at least 8 hours for sleeping (usually 9, because I love sleeping).

On weight-loss. I have been lifting weights! Not free weights yet, I'm too afraid of those and whether or not I'll do them correctly. But I use the plethora of muscle specific machines on alternating days (I've just started an arms/abs, legs/abs, switch-off pattern with days off between sets of two). I have biceps!!! My arms are still too much like blobs for it to be noticeable, but I can tell and it makes me happy :)

Weird

Morning weigh-in: 193.5

Ah yes, I'm back down despite eating french fries yesterday! I didn't eat that many of them-- so that's good. My blog has changed colors again because apparently the last template wouldn't let people comment, and I like to have running commentary whenever applicable. So, welcome back!

We had a discussion yesterday about me starting to weigh myself less than every day. This is probably a good idea. Although weighing myself every day helps me to get up and blog and feel responsible for what's going on in my weight-loss life. Maybe I'll keep weighing myself every day and only write it down on like Mondays and Fridays. Don't know.

My weight has been really fluctuating lately, here is what the "Big Chart" looks like right now: and you can clearly see that for the past few weeks I have been STUCK. Various things to be angry at here: The Red River, my ankle, school. Or you know, I could own up that I haven't done all I can to lose weight this past month.

I think I need to re recommit.

Really?

Morning Weigh-in: 195

Seriously? Where did this come from? Did I not do an entire hour at the wellness center last night? I have to believe it must be my calories I was over on. We had dinner at Tarver's family yesterday and the food was really tasty but probably loaded with calories. Even so I tried to limit myself! And when I counted calories I estimated that meal at about 1000 calories (scalloped potatoes with breading on top, ham, cake, ice-cream) and I was just about 100 calories over for the day-- which would usually make no difference whatsoever.

Sometimes weight-loss sucks. Seriously am I still in the mid-90s?! I know it's supposed to take awhile but I was pretty good yesterday and I worked out HARD. I don't think I deserved to gain two pounds. Eew.

More exercise. Less food. That's all that can be done.

Hooray for exercising

Aaah the wellness center. I always feel so much better when I come back. A little approved cardio, plenty of stretching and weight-lifting and I have a happy self.

Exercising has gotten easier again and I'm just really glad that I'm starting to feel like I belong there a little more. Recently I feel less like a 1950's horror movie monster (Aaaaah! THE BLOB!!!) and more like a person again.

No reason to stop there. So, I'm excited to keep exercising and hopefully keep seeing some good results. I really like being able to lift weights and do pushups. I feel proud of myself and definitely more confident :)

Continued Stasis

Morning weigh-in: 193.

Yesterday I was bad with food (this is a continuing trend-- more on it later) but I did get some good approved-cardio and weight-lifting in so I managed to maintain! GO ME!

Last night I also recommitted to eating well. I got new bars and some frozen food to help me deal with my difficult times of the day. It is difficult to make myself balanced meals and wouldn't you know it, some companies actually make them and then freeze them! I've had to be really careful about which ones I buy but I have lots of resources available to me so I think I was able to make some good decisions.

My internet was down at home this morning for some reason so I'm posting at the office so there will be no chart update until later :(

Today is the first of many designated HOMEWORK days. The end of the semester is LOOMING ahead and I need to get my butt in gear.

Stasis can be good

Morning Weigh-In: 193.

This is a good weight considering how bad I was yesterday! I don't think I actually went over on calories but the food I did eat wasn't necessarily very good for me. Also I didn't get to the gym (which I had wanted to) because I ended up taking a nap which I thought would only take about half an hour, then when I woke up it was two hours later! Oops!

In other news, my ankle is almost the size of a normal ankle and then I shall get back on the exercise bikes and proceed to lose a lot of weight. Huzzah! Today I have some homework to get done but I will be at the wellness center pumping irons and rocking it out. I have a lot of work to do! I am amazed at how different I look already. I'll have to get some pictures and put them up of what I looked like at christmas and what I look like now. I've lost almost 15 pounds.

Today is the Honors Convocation, so that's pretty sweet. I'll have to find something nice to wear and we get to see T's family and my dad. Yay! :)

Look out for Fridays.

Morning Weigh-in: 193

This is not bad. It's less than my weight on Thursday and I got rid of it from swimming and not eating to much. Fridays are always hard though. Fridays generally include us, our friends, food, frozen pizza, sometimes beer and other things that take me down (furthermore, naps often occur on Friday afternoons). Now Saturdays are generally different. I have time on Saturdays to do some real exercising and prepare real food.

I am slowly making progress. I am actually starting to look a little different now, too. I mean, it's still very obvious that I have 43 pounds left to lose, but I think I can get it done before new years.

My ankle has been feeling much better. I'm comparing it to an apple or a small orange now instead of a grapefruit. Next week Thursday is the two-week mark and hopefully I can feel ready to use some cardio machines at that point. Because seriously, this super-slow ridiculously ridiculous stuff should stop. As much as I love the Spice girls, the mid-90s SUCK.

It' only a few weeks to graduation now, so that means it's also time to crack down on our studies! Yay for Saturdays! :)

Cute?

What do you think of my new design? I will get my chart back up tomorrow morning, but for now, how do we feel about the pink and the measuring tape? I feel like it makes more sense.

Feedback?

2 pounds?!

So yesterday was a pretty exciting day. :)

Morning Weigh-in: 191.5 A NEW LOW!

Unfortunately I can't take full credit for that, since, I have to be honest. We went out bowling last night and I definitely had too much to drink-- and I'm fairly sure most of my calories came right back out of me. :/ The weirdest part was that I "only" had between 4 and 5 drinks over several hours. I would imagine the medicine I'm on made me more susceptible to being drunk and made me sick.

This is why I will never be a bulimic-- throwing up may be a pretty efficient way to lose 2 pounds, but it is painful and embarrassing (and really bad for your teeth, esophagus, stomach, sinuses, self-esteem etc etc etc). It is definitely not my cup of tea. I will not be drinking for awhile, haha.

I am prepared to gain a little bit of weight today since I DEFINITELY lost those two pounds unhealthily.

But the good part about it was that I had an amazing time with my friends and I was drunk enough to tell them how much I really love them. :) Also I got two strikes, which is amaaaazing!

Today we are HOUSECLEANING! Which is an awesome calorie burner. Like I said, I will not be concerned if I gain a pound today. I'm not going to TRY for it, but it won't be that big of a deal.

On the other hand, I'm 1.5lbs away from having lost FIFTEEN pounds! Yay!

YAY.

I was microwaving my cream of wheat when I got the phonecall:

One of the girls decided not to come, so that means that I get to go to NDSU next year!!!

*DANCEDANCEDANCE*

Feeling good

Morning Weigh-in:193.5

193.5 is my low weight. I've been at it 3 times since March 26, and never gone below. Today, that is the goal. The goal is to either maintain (which hasn't happened at 193.5 before) or to see 193 flat. Today is Thursday and I'm generally not too busy on Thursdays so I'll be able to take some time to do some weight circuits at the gym and some homemade cardio (not squats though because I am STILL very sore from those!!!)

Yesterday I hit an important moment in my dieting career. I had been avoiding pasta like the plague because I traditionally have had very little control over my portions when it comes to pasta. Yesterday I made myself some pasta with chickpeas and spinach that I measured out very carefully and everything went okay! Yaaaay! :)

I am glad I lost even a little yesterday since I didn't exercise. Dieting does seem to work, but I know diet AND exercise works a lot faster. In a little while my ankle will be in good enough shape that I can get back on the cardio machines. Ugh I can't WAIT for that day. It's weird, but I miss it. I liked going to the gym and working out hard. I felt really good doing that.

NDSU did not call me yesterday. I have my fingers crossed for them to call today, but again, no bets :(

It does not matter how slowly

Morning Weigh-In: 194

As long as sometime soon I can see 192, I will be pleased. Yesterday I think went pretty well. I did some in my bedroom by myself cardio that Lindsey taught me. Holy crap, it totally kicked my butt. Squats! Now standing up and sitting down is like impossible. Haha. But, I was able to do several pushups from my knees (I can't do full ones because, duh, my ankle is full of stupidness). I also did some dip things off of my chair and some of those stand up fall down thinggums. I only did it for about half an hour but I was TIRED afterward!

Today I'm going to go to the wellness center to do some weight-lifting and I'll probably do some more pushups and dips... no squats today!

Yesterday the food part of losing weight went pretty well. I was very good until late at night when we decided to go to a 24-hour restaurant to study. Even there I was okay, I had scrambled eggs and hashbrowns (which probably weren't so great for me) and whole wheat toast (which they always put butter on. Why is that? I don't want my toast buttered.)

Today is Wednesday, which means I have senior seminar at night and I have to watch allll of my classmates eat junkfood. It's kind of torturous. Also, for those of you who follow the Life of Liz, today NDSU is supposed to call me to tell me where they are with getting the people who got legitimately chosen to say "yeah, I'll come." If ONE of them says no, then I'm in. So, cross your fingers today folks! <3

Also, Happy 13th Birthday to my little sister today!

Low Impact?

Morning Weigh-in: 194.5

So, I had been told that swimming would be the best exercise for me-- low impact, right? Nope. Swimming was AWFUL for my ankle. I couldn't even stay in the pool for very long I ended up mostly hopping on the other foot and treading water with my arms for most of the time. When I got out of the pool I was staggering around and my ankle was back to being HUUUGE. I should have taken a picture, I think that's the worst it's ever been.

Swimming was fun though, if painful. Now I'm wishing I could go back to cardio right away-- not a good plan. At least when I go to the gym I can wear my brace and monitor my motion.

Even so, I did lose a pound yesterday. I was pretty good about counting my calories (in the end I might have had one breadstick too many, but I did lose a pound, so we'll see how it pans out).

I'm going to be good again today and hopefully I can break my 2-week plateau.

I told Tay yesterday "I've been stuck in the mid-90s for like two weeks,"
And she was like, "You've been watching 'Saved by the Bell' or what?"

Monday Monday Monday

Morning Weigh-In: 195.5

Not bad. I'm actually pretty happy about it. I'm down from Saturday when I was up THREE whole pounds, and 195 is an okay weight to proceed at. Exercising starts hardcore today. There's open swimming tonight so that might happen, but for sure the wellness center this afternoon for a good dose of weight training and doing some low-impact cardio.

I'm glad Easter didn't seem to take me down too badly. All things considered (besides the cheesecake) I was pretty good yesterday. Today is, as always, a new day. It's a little sad since we were SUPPOSED to have this day off. I could definitely have spent some more time sleeping, but here we go.

Exercising and counting calories!!! I can do this!

Part of my problem is that I've become complacent. I've lost 10 pounds and that's great, but I can't let myself think that it's good enough. I have a long way to go before I'm out of the woods. I may have gone back to looking basically like I did before but it doesn't mean I should calm down or stop.

Furthermore, tendinitis sucks. I wish my ankle wasn't a disaster, because I really just want to start going hard-core again. Seriously. I have to get this done, and I wanted to look good for summer and for this wedding we're going to in May. If I want that it's going to have to be an intense couple of weeks.

PS: This is my 75th Entry!

Easter. Hoo boy.

I am recommitting tomorrow. Easter was a wonderful day full of family and FOOD. My cousin taught me some exercises I can do without hurting my ankle so those will be super-useful. They look HARD! I don't even know if I can do ONE pushup. But it's time to get back on the road. It seems like the last month has been full of roadblocks, but I haven't gotten back up to 200, so I'm marking it up as a positive.

I will be on full alert tomorrow. 1,750 calories, an hour of cardio and probably some weight training too. I can and will do it. Life has to go back to normal somehow. I just have to make it happen.

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me, reading my blog and supporting me even as I fluctuate in the 190's and 150 seems light-years away. <3 You're the reason I haven't given up and just gone back to being a blob.

"IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW SLOWLY YOU GO-- ONLY THAT YOU DO NOT STOP."

Why I weigh myself EVERY SINGLE DAY

Because I can do an incredible amount of damage in one day.

Morning weigh-in: 197.

Astounding, right? I won't lie, this week has just gotten worse and worse, and ended by us finding out that our favorite restaurant had closed without our knowledge. Feeling sad, we came home and invited some friends over. Having had the week that I did, rejection, tendinitis, ear infections, closed favorite restaurants etc, I indulged way too much in frozen pizza, beer, Pimms & Rootbeer and other varieties of things I should never have even looked at, much less consumed.

We did exercise yesterday though. Weight-training isn't as easy or mindless as cardio, but I can't get back on the treadmill until my ankles are the same size again. :(

But if you think you can stop me once my ankles are the same size. Oh boy.

So, on another note. My next choices for graduate school are in Minneapolis and Fort Lauderdale, FL. Looking at both of the schools, I actually prefer the Florida school, which offers health insurance, a wellness center and the possibility for TAship. Also, I hear it's pretty warm in this mysterious land called Florida. I've never been to Florida, so we'll see.

T says he's coming with me wherever I go, so that's comforting. :)

It also means I'm going to have to kick up the weight loss. I'm NOT going to live in a beach-town looking like this. Bleck.

PS: Something is weird with my excel doc I use to make my charts-- I'm not actually avoiding putting them up out of pure shame-- only partially out of shame. :)

Maybe I should weight-train?

Morning Weigh-In: 193.5

Still not bad. I'd like to break that 193 barrier just because I've been there for a couple of weeks. I was talking to my cousin last night and she said she'll teach me how to do some good cardio even if my ankle's basically useless. So that'll be awesome :)

Today is Friday, which is nice. I'm ready for this week to be OVER. This afternoon and tomorrow will be awesome chances to get some more homework and exercising in. I'm thinking of getting a membership to the Y this summer-- that way I can have access to a pool and all that other stuff. My original plan was to you know, get into NDSU and use their stuff for free, but plans change.

Yesterday went well considering I didn't exercise. I made us some healthy food for dinner and watched my calories the rest of the day. Dieting alone won't do it every day but I'm going to have to depend on it more since I can't get in as much cardio time. Boo ankle! You suck!

Though, it doesn't look as much like a grapefruit this morning, so that's a plus.

Tendinitis

So, all of my whining was legitimized today. I have tendinitis in my right ankle. The tendon is so swollen that it's causing any movement to be difficult and painful. Thank goodness it's not broken, but Mr. Doctorpants did say it's a bad idea for me to do any sort of cardio until the swelling goes down-- about TWO WEEKS. He said I'm allowed to swim and weight train.

Swimming would be fun-- if another doctor hadn't told me earlier this week that I have an ear infection and NOT to go swimming for about the same amount of time.

The good news is two weeks is not that long. it's only a minor setback. As long as I'm really watching my calories and trying to get in as much swimming and weight training as possible I should be able to maintain and maybe even keep losing, if at a slower rate.

And that's what's up. :)

A positive post for once!

Morning weigh-in: 194

I'm definitely not mad about this. I probably gained half a pound by virtue of actually drinking water and eating food yesterday. 2 pounds was a LOT to lose in one day.

Yesterday in general was a good day, though. Full of actually doing stuff, I had my presentation for senior seminar which went well and then I got to go to the new wellness center with Tay. Fantastical! All of the machines have tvs actually mounted on them so I don't have to watch trashy MTV reality shows OR sports! Yay! So we did a good 45 minutes of cardio-- it's really getting more difficult for me on my ankle. But I want to get enough exercising in before they stick me in a cast or put me on bedrest. Boo.

Today is sunny and I'm ready for it! :)

2 Pounds of sad

Morning Weigh-In: 193.5

Yesterday I did get my important phone call. I got wait-listed for graduate school. For normal people, this might seem like something sort of arbitrary; I applied for other schools, I'm the first on the wait-list, so there's hope, but for me, it felt like everything just came crashing down. I'm not really used to not getting accepted for things. I'm usually pretty resilient, but yesterday I absolutely shut down. I haven't even been to the new wellness center yet. I think I ignored like 6 phone calls.

So, apparently crying all day is excellent exercise. Or at the very least I managed to dehydrate myself.

Overreacting? Maybe. But, you have to take into account that not getting into NDSU means several other things too: It means we have to leave our friends and family and start an entirely new life at LEAST 4 hours away. We won't be here when one of our good friends gets back from basic in September. It means that finances, which we weren't too concerned about in Fargo, are a real concern in Minneapolis or anywhere else, because rent in Minneapolis is easily double what we would pay even for the nicest apartments here.

Put all that together with the fact that my degree is useless without graduate school, that I've worked my ass off for four years just for this moment to actually fail, that EVERYONE around me brushed off my fears and told me I was a "shoo in" and you have a real recipe for a sad, sad me.

Also I went to the doctor and I have an ear infection AND she thinks my ankle is actually fractured, not sprained.

I'm just rainbows and sunshine this morning, aren't I?

Whatever. I lost 2 pounds, and that's the note I'm starting today with. I am GOING to be positive today. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

Motivation

Morning Weigh-in: 195.5

Which I'm actually really happy about since yesterday I didn't actually go exercise :/ I got caught up in one of my projects and then we went to visit some friends and it just didn't happen. But I'm a pound down and didn't eat too much yesterday-- though it wasn't any good food, so that will need to start up again today.

Losing the ten pounds I've lost has been awesome, and it proved to me that it CAN be done. I just have to get back up on that treadmill today and rock it out. It may be a little difficult since my ankle seems to be getting worse, but I have a brace and some ibuprofen, and what else could I possibly need, right? :) Maybe today I'll take a picture of my ankle so you all can experience it's grapefruit-like glory first hand.

On an unrelated note, I am psychic.

Yesterday morning, I had a dream that NDSU's graduate program had lost my phone number, and that was why they hadn't called me. Yesterday evening I received an email from the director of the program, which said he seemed to have the wrong number and wanted to know how to get a hold of me so that he can "discuss my admissions status."

Me? Psychic. More likely though? Me finding out whether or not I got into graduate school TODAY.

Liz's Irrationality, take two

So I've mentioned before that my head is absolutely filled with irrational-ness.

I'm a planner, a worrier, I'm high-anxiety, high-stress, high-ambition AND high-achieving. I just picked up my Summa Cum Laude graduation cords today, but you know what? I'm a month-and-a-half into my next big self improvement project: ME.

My entire college career has been about these cords. In the meantime, I've gained almost 40 pounds. I've struggled to explain to people how being "the fat girl" feels. Almost everyone brushes it off; they tell me "no one thinks that about you," that "you aren't that big," or my personal favorite, "you have so many other wonderful talents." I appreciate the sentiment, but it's not what other people think about me. It's what I think about me, and what I perceive others to be thinking about me. Remembering again, that I am incredibly irrational, self-critical and success-driven.

And here it is, if you've ever wondered what it feels like to be the fat girl, give this woman's blog a read: http://www.mopie.com/0309/15.html

MONDAY

Morning Weigh-in: 196 which is THE SAME!

I GET TO EXERCISE TODAY!

HOPEFULLY I WILL GET MY IMPORTANT PHONECALL!

I'm yelling. I'm sorry. I'm just happy to have my life back :)

A better day

Morning weigh-in: 196.

This is okay. I was "Bad" yesterday with my food choices. It was all going really well until we had people over for drinks and frozen pizza. Usually I would have only had one slice but I reverted back to my old habits and ate way too much :( Today is another day and I'm still well below 200 pounds, so I'm pretty happy. It's another day of cleaning and homework so that tomorrow we can go back to school without too much pain. Today I'll be cleaning out the refrigerator and going grocery shopping-- yay control over my own calories!!!

Real Life?

Tada! Here I am in Moorhead. I weighed myself on my own scale, woke up in my own bed, will choose what I get to eat today and when/if I exercise (YES). I have gained control over my life again. Awesome.

I was worried that I would weigh several pounds more this morning since life's been so weird and I've basically just been eating whatever people give me at their houses and not exercising much (my ankle has gotten worse-- I'm not really sure what to do about it exactly.)

Either way, this morning I weighed 195 which is not a bad weight at all. If you read back, it was the weight I had hoped to reach by April, so technically, I'm still on track :)

This week I will be back to school and back to exercising. I'm going to add more weight-training into my workouts. For sure half an hour of cardio every day still, but maybe every other day it'll be half an hour of cardio and half an hour of weights, and a full hour of cardio on the other days. I might try that for a week or so and see how it goes.

195 is a good weight. It seems that I maintained fairly well while I was away and I can get right back on track with some good exercising and food choices.

Thanks for being patient with my randomness these past three weeks-- April should bring normalcy and spring, so life should improve drastically :) Also, enjoy BLUE-- hopefully April will bring plenty of RAIN to get rid of this stupid snow. Also it was no longer March. So blue seems appropriate. Just a little facelift here at 55lbs.