Gymming it up

After my little debacle yesterday at the wellness center, I was loathe to go back today-- but I did.

I should explain that I'm probably one of the least rational people I've ever met. I have a ton of irrational fears-- most of them involving me flunking out of college or disappointing my loved ones, but a good portion of them center around people making fun of me being fat. One of my particular irrational fear scenarios was coming to the gym and being asked to leave by a scary buff guy-- this fear has kept me away from the Dragon Wellness Center-- pretty much forever. Even when I did exercise, I went to Curves.

Exactly that happened last night. Not in so many words, of course, but it did freak me out and send me right back to where I was at the beginning of this blog: feeling like only people who are there to train and maintain are allowed. No fat people. So coming back today was a bigger challenge than going in the first place.

But nothing changes if you don't make it change. I thought about my support group and how many people are cheering me on. I was inspired by Jimmy Eat World (as usual) "Don't write yourself off yet, it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on." I reflected on weighing 200 pounds forever. I finally put on my exercise pants and went.

I was happy to be there. :)